Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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