she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
