is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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