someone owes me an orgasm
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Watching her eat just hurts me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
