still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
