She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
