you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
