Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
