There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
