I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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