I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize