Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i now understand why vodka
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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