you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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