he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
