I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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