Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
