Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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