i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
