You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
