He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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