he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize