Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
