What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
