hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
