I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
