im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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