my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
