I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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