Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
