last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
