dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
