Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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