The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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