He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
