I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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