Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
