apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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