Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
