no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize