We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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