The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How's work?
Spinning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
