I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
