I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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