all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
