I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
