The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
