he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
