She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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