Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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