Your mouth is God's brothel.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
