I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
