Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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