A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
