Me too!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
