Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
