Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
