In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize