Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wear drunk well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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