Kiss
Puke
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
