Little spoons don't ask big questions
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
