New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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