Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
