sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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