Don't make out with my wife yet
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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