And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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