The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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