PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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