I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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