my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
