I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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