i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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