I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
