I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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