I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize