The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
