y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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