I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
