You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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