just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
